setting a goal.

I purposely avoided writing at the one year mark. Anniversaries and milestones have come and gone; the day I left DC, the day I left for Thailand. The days since coming home have piled up on the calendar with so little to show for them. Or so it feels. Before leaving Thailand I sat down and made a list of goals to accomplish once I got home. I was going to find a fabulous job, sort through the chaos of boxes that have been sitting in storage for over 7 years combined with the ones I brought back with me across the country, move back into my condo and re-establish some semblance of an adult life. There were classes I wanted to take and places I wanted to explore. (Now that I’ve seen all 7 continents it’s time to start checking off the 50 states.) Yet here it is nine months later and I’m still jobless hanging with the parents surrounded by teetering piles of boxes. Very few of my goals have come to fruition and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. 

But I’m slowly beginning to see patterns and purpose in the moments of chaos. The year has had its share of ups and downs, twists and turns. I’ve been hyper-focused on what I’ve perceived as the various lacks and gaps while over-looking all the amazing things that have happened. I lived for a while in one country, visited several others. I’ve forged new friendships, strengthened relationships and spent valuable time with family members. I’ve learned a lot about myself, stretching and growing in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. I’ve read some great books, seen some amazing sights, tasted some fabulous food, heard and discovered some marvelous music. I learned how to play a harmonica! There have been countless un-asked for blessings and mini-miracles, insights and adventures, even unexpected love and romance. And with a new calendar year comes another chance to make a new start, to set new goals and re-affirm my commitment to previous goals.

My main goal is still, to find a job and gain some much-needed independence. But I’ve got a slew of others to work on, some that I’ve already been hashing out for a while (the previously mentioned diet and fitness goals, re-focusing on my writing, traveling and taking a few classes), as well as a few new ones (starting a daily gratitude journal and daily meditation practice, learning to bake bread and an edible pie crust, studying Jesus the Christ and memorizing The Living Christ.)

I’m also going to shift my focus here a little. I’m going to continue blogging but not as often or as consistently as I once did (don’t judge by my recent non-activity) but rather just a few posts a month and I’m going to keep it a bit more personal. But then I’m going to branch out and start a second blog in the next little while, but with the goal of actually making a little money off of it (fingers-crossed.) It could be a flop but I’ve been mulling it over for some time and have decided I need to just make the jump. I’ll keep you all posted.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what goals and resolutions you’ve made for the new year. What were your highlights of 2014? What lessons did you learn that have shaped how you’ll be facing the challenges and adventures that might come?

learning a new word.

Pluviophile:
noun. a lover of rain, someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days

We've had more than the usual rain this year  week and I've loved spending afternoons curled up with a cup of hot herbal tea and a good book, evenings falling asleep to the sound of rain pattering on the windows and thunder rolling in the distance, and mornings dodging raindrops and puddles on my walks.  There's something therapeutic about the sounds and the smells and the idea that sometimes the world needs a good shower and a fresh start too.

making a list.

It’s hard to believe that I passed the half-way point here a few weeks ago. Time is flying faster than I could have imagined. I’m trying not to spend too much time focusing on all of the things I’m going to have to do when I get home (ie, look for a real job) but enjoy the time that’s left here. Of course, I’ve got a few things that I really miss that I can’t wait to have access to again.  But there are a few things here that I’ll miss just as much. Curious?

Things I Miss From Home (besides the people, of course!)

• Carpet
• Watching TV without subtitles and with more than four channels
• Understanding announcements, eavesdropping on conversations and being able to read signs 
• Central air/heating
• Winter/seasons
• Having a kitchen
• sandwiches, toast, bread
• fresh-from-the-oven cookies
• real butter
• Mexican food...this list is only the beginning!
• Having more than 8 outfits to choose from
• Crafting/creating/scrapbooking
• Singing at the top of my lungs (I love singing along with the radio in my car, you just can't quite pull that off on a motor bike)
• my car
• Real, live books!

Things I’ll Miss About Thailand

• My motorbike and the lax safety laws
• Going barefoot
• Always knowing what the weather will be
• Always knowing what to wear
• Paying less than $2 for a full meal, $150 for rent, and $3 for a tank of gas
• All the street markets, awesome food and exotic fruits
• My park
• The ready smiles and friendliness of the people

Things I WON’T Miss

• All the bugs and critters that find their way into my house.  Current pest?...Ants!
• Constant bare, filthy feet and the lack of available pedicures
• The lax safety laws
• Many of the smells
• Not being able to recycle
• Squatty potties
• Not being able to understand announcements or eavesdrop on conversations
• Unidentifiable meat products
• Not being able to read signs, newspapers or most of the things around me
• Everything, from the music at school to announcements and all in between, being done at the highest decibel level possible
• Morning Announcer Guy

Yes, I realize that there’s a lot of overlap/repeats of the same things falling in different categories. But isn’t that how life is? The things that drive you crazy are the same things you miss when they stop; the things that give life its flavor and keep it from being complete drudgery at times or give you the consistency and stability when everything else is chaotic.  What are the little bits of your day that make you nuts? And what are the bits you can't live without?

I'll miss the butterflies...but not the moths!!!

just a few of the great street market wares-mangosteen fruits

more market goodies

waking from a strange dream.

It was only a matter of time before my crummy sleeping habits caught up to me on this side of the planet. Alas, for the last 3 weeks I’ve been fighting a killer cold that was made worse by the fact that I woke up nearly every day at exactly 3 am and never really went back to sleep (I wish I was one of those people that would get up and clean or bake or something instead of just lying in bed cursing the darkness and my constant exhaustion…maybe someday.) One of the side-effects of this poor sleep is a two-edged sword, I either don’t sleep deep enough to dream at all or I have super crazy dreams that are continually interrupted. Generally it ‘s the former but I’ve had a few doozy dreams lately that I just know you are dying to hear about. :)

In the first I had an invitation to a dinner party hosted by two of my most talented dinner party throwing friends, K and M. M was about 7½ feet tall and came to pick me up wearing a baby blue rain coat. It was rainy and wet but I climbed up on her slippery shoulders and we were off. She ran like a gazelle and I ducked beneath dripping branches trying not to fall from my precarious perch. Midway there K showed up and ran beside us carrying someone as well (I knew who they were in the dream but no idea who they are in real life). We made it to K’s house which was actually my old college boyfriend’s house on the outside but an amazing mansion inside and joined the rest of the people there, a conglomeration of people I recognized from elementary school on to my co-teacher here in Thailand. We were told we couldn’t have dinner until we’d made our own dessert; Dippin’ Dots. We were each handed a giant mixing spoon and a bowl of ice cream and began scooping little tiny balls of ice cream that we deposited onto a conveyor belt circling the room. And then I woke up…always at the vital parts! What did they serve for dinner?! I’ll never know.

Dream two saw my frenemie from Jr. High all grown up and nine months pregnant. We were besties now so she invited me over to her house for the birth. And I was lucky enough to be the attending physician. When she started doing the Lamaze breathing I held out my hands (I was across the room so it wasn’t as kinky as it sounds) and there magically appeared 5 bulldog puppies! They were all fuzzy and cute (yeah, I know, fuzzy bulldogs) and I have to say, they looked just like her!

In the last one I had a confrontation with Ben Affleck and Christian Bale about who was the real Batman. They both showed up at my door in costume to find out what I thought. (Just FYI, I’m a Bale fan all the way but I have no problem with him being done and handing the torch to someone else, it’s his choice. So, it’s not like I’m one of those people who is going to boycott the new movie. Therefore, not quite sure why this was going through my brain but obviously I’m a little more loyal than I’d admitted out loud.) After some randomness in the middle that I don’t remember they left me, both uttering in unison in the trademark Batman-husky-whisper voice, “Anyone can be Batman.”

There are more but I won’t subject you to them all. :) Hope your sleep is less eventful and more restful than mine. Sweet dreams!

Any dream analysts out there? I don’t want to know what they mean--unless of course there’s some hidden message about my true calling in life or how underneath it all I’m the most brilliant person alive. Basically I’m thinking Freud would have his work cut out for him.

just some random Thai street art to accompany the random thoughts

learning a language.

My attempts to capture the language unlock the parts of my brain that are rarely used and inevitably finds me stumbling for Thai phrases but coming up with my high school Spanish or the bits of French, German or Italian I’ve picked up on other travels and are miniscule indeed. I really have to think before I speak, not just to try to translate or find the right word but to make sure the words match what I’m trying to say…and each other. I’ve had to stop myself on multiple occasions from saying things like ‘muy aroi’ (‘very’ in Spanish and ‘delicious’ in Thai) or responding ‘grazie’ when wanting to thank someone.

It makes a great contrast to teaching English to the kids. It puts you in their shoes, not knowing what’s going on, not being able to make sense of the scribbles that are supposed to be letters, the babblings that are supposed to be words and hold a meaning that you have yet to discover. But when you do unlock that meaning, even just a tiny bit of it, enough to order dinner or be able to pay with exact change, it’s an awesome feeling. It’s a process both frustrating and exhilarating and one I’m afraid I’ll never completely conquer.

a random Buddha

a quiet morning.

The Thais in Udon welcome the day with a fellow I’ve come to affectionately call Morning Announcer Guy. Intercoms all over the city crackle to life every morning at 6:30 and MAG drones on and on about who knows what (it’s in Thai after all) for up to an hour. And it’s really loud. It’s a good thing I’m already up by 6:30 (and that MAG doesn’t make an appearance on the weekends) or I’d have to say I hate that guy. And maybe he’s broadcasting Buddhist messages of love and understanding, or maybe it’s the news and the weather, or maybe it’s discussions of art or how the aliens are coming to take over the planet but whatever it is, I can’t believe that it’s important enough to break into the peace of a lovely morning. Sorry, MAG, no hard feelings but I definitely won’t miss you when I’m gone.

nope, not MAG, just some random lotus blossoms

a list of randomosity.

Thoughts, facts and images brought to you direct from Thailand.

• Best t-shirt message this week: "honesty is best apple".  Truth. (I mean, what else could it be?)
• Number of Manchester United shirts/jackets etc. seen in the park today on my run/walk: 14
• Number of grilled/bbq'd insects seen at the market yesterday: 3* 
• An abandoned head in a van.  Cuz, why not?

• It's amazing how cool 90 degrees can feel when the humidity level drops from 90%-70%.
• I never thought I could miss desperately (to the point of having dreams about) carpet, trash cans, and paper towels. (among other things)
• Amount of money I spent on a dish of curry, a plate of Naan, and 3 samosas: $2.50. And it was delicious.
• A giant rubber duck enjoying a float in the lake and the lovely sunset, cuz again, why not?

Have a lovely weekend!

*crickets, scorpions, and worms in case you're interested

a fun list.

3.14 Reasons to be happy you got up today!

1-To watch this video:

In honor of the Irish flavored holiday celebration coming up later this week.

2-To watch this video:

2.14-Followed by this news:
It's a go!    Because it's Veronica Mars. And Logan Echolls.  Does it really get any better than that?! (The correct answer here is: no!)

3.14-Happy Pi(e) Day!!

Thanks to various and sundry friends on the interwebs for sharing the above news and links and for sharing my love of pie.

dispelled loneliness.

One of the perks of not being able to sleep (if it can be thought of as a perk) is that you get the house, and often the world, to yourself at odd hours of the night. A few nights ago I was up wandering around 3 am or so, reheating a heat pack and making me some chamomile tea. The house was silent aside from the sounds of settling that seem to happen only when it thinks no one is listening. There was a hint of horizontal light peeking through the blinds from the streetlamps out front and the odd glow of an alarm clock and charging laptop, enough to light my way downstairs without having to turn on an overhead light.

As I was waiting for my water to heat I looked out the back window and realized I wasn't alone. Across the bridle path and through the trees I could see not one, not two but three windows illuminated in the darkness. I wondered at the circumstances behind the too-early-morning shine. Did my neighbors have jobs that forced them to be up at this hour? Were there new babies in the house that needed feeding or comforting? Perhaps they'd received bad news, a late night phone call that forced all sleep from them? Or, like me, did they simply have nights when sleep, no matter how welcome and wished for, wouldn't come?

I leaned my forehead against the cool pane and let the steam from my mug fog the glass as one by one the lights winked out and I was alone again with the night. Misery, no matter how brief, loves company and it was a comfort to share my insomnia with strangers. And with that feeling of unknown of alliance and companionship I headed back upstairs to cuddle under the blankets and drift off to sleep.

a random list.

Things that have made me go 'hmmm' this week:

• people who sing or talk on the phone whilst conducting 'business' in public restrooms
• many, many pieces of modern art
• I seem to have a skunk stripe forming along my part that will put Stacy London's to shame if I'm not careful. Not sure how I feel about this. Time to get a new hairstyle, touch up my roots (or at least part it on the other side?)
• the weather around the country of late
• why does gravity seem to be stronger in my closet? things fall at an astonishing rate in there
• and why is February the longest month? I know it's really the shortest but man it seems to drag on and on and on.  I'm glad to be done with it!
• people who come into the library, take every book off of the shelves, allow their children to step on them and then give you dirty looks when you suggest that they not step on them in case they should slip (or better, to protect the books!)
• the FDA adding sweeteners to milk
• why, when one is so exhausted, is it so hard to get a good night's sleep?
• wondering how to spend all my free time (ha!) and which show to get sucked into now that I've finished this one

Happy to say adios to February and welcome in March.  I'm not sorry to see it go. Even if it snows, somehow March feels warmer than February.  I don't know about you but I'm ready for a breath of fresh spring air. Here's hoping...