Thursday, July 30, 2015

an amazing support system

The past year and a half has been full of ups and downs like never before. I've been so blessed and yet some days I wonder why I even keep trying. I have the best of intentions but I find myself constantly stuck in this funk of lethargy and ennui. I’ve been unemployed for over a year and it has taken its toll on me in every way imaginable. I struggle to set goals because at times nothing seems attainable anymore. I’ve gotten nearly every job I’ve ever applied for up to this point and yet over the course of this past year I’ve only been able to garner 5 interviews out of the hundreds of applications and resumes I’ve posted. I’ve applied for every kind of job under the sun but to no avail. 

I thought being single and wishing for motherhood and fulfilment in love and all of those things was a hard trial to bear but in many ways this has been worse and the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. I’m so grateful for a supportive family and friends (and fiance!) who have fed and housed me and helped keep my spirits up while all of this has been going on because I would literally be on the street if it weren’t for their generosity. It’s opened my eyes to what so many others have gone through (and how broken so much of our society is, but that’s another rant for another day!) I’ve often overheard conversations or read people’s stories on-line and thought to myself “well, just go get a job!” I assumed that laziness or pickiness or personality faults or something had to have been a factor in their troubles. Yet, here I am, a punctual, responsible, team player with a master’s degree, years of varied experience and willingness to do just about anything and I’m not having much luck at all.

A few months ago I finally decided to go way out on a limb when a recruiter for an insurance agency called. The position is 100% commission sales and does absolutely nothing to play up to my strengths, in fact it’s a whole conglomeration of things I’m not very good at and don’t much enjoy at all. It’s hard work and so far has very little (read ‘almost no’) reward up to this point but the potential is there if I can just stick it out. The question is, whether I can make it on nothing but hope until I’ve built up enough of a base to get some sales that follow-through. It’s been an interesting challenge in a series of interesting challenges and it will be even more interesting to see how it all plays out especially while trying to plan and pay for a wedding.

I’m curious though, what is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? Was it a one-shot event that you had to muster up a burst of courage to attack (say, public speaking or confronting an enemy) or a long-term battle that needed a daily dose of daring and stamina over and over again (like a health crisis or a situation you were unable to leave)? How did you do it? What were your coping techniques? What got you through? I’ve had to increase my daily chocolate consumption and turn my music up a little louder with every listen and I’ve gotten pretty good at doing a mini-meditation in the few minutes of solitude I have in my car each day. But I’d love to expand my repertoire. Tell me how you find peace, sanity and courage in the midst of the madness of daily life and the darkness of the hard battles you have to fight.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

beginning a new adventure.

Remember an eternity ago when I told you all I was going to be starting a new blog and shifting my focus here and making some progress in my life? Well, as I've said laid plans.

But I'm staring down the barrel of a big birthday and, of course, that has caused me to re-think some things and want to make some changes and move forward in ways that I'm still not really able to do yet.  So, in an effort to feel like I'm at least minutely in charge of my life we're kick starting the blog in the butt. As I mentioned way back in January I've had this idea in my brain for awhile to start something new so we're going to give it a shot finally.  Granted, my life is still in a bit of a shambles; I'm still chilling with the parents (though they are moving soon which means we're all living out of boxes instead of just me--misery does love company! :) and struggling to find a good job all while planning a wedding, yikes! So, I can't guarantee that things are going to be consistent right out of the gate but we're going to give it a shot.   And I'm not going to abandon you all here either (is there anyone actually still here?!) I'll check in occasionally and keep you updated on the more groundbreaking moments of my super-awesome existence and share random thoughts, 'cause I know you're dying to hear it all.

In the meantime, check out the new digs over at

Tell me what you think and what you've been up to.  Don't forget to follow, and tell all your friends! ;)

Thursday, January 1, 2015

setting a goal.

I purposely avoided writing at the one year mark. Anniversaries and milestones have come and gone; the day I left DC, the day I left for Thailand. The days since coming home have piled up on the calendar with so little to show for them. Or so it feels. Before leaving Thailand I sat down and made a list of goals to accomplish once I got home. I was going to find a fabulous job, sort through the chaos of boxes that have been sitting in storage for over 7 years combined with the ones I brought back with me across the country, move back into my condo and re-establish some semblance of an adult life. There were classes I wanted to take and places I wanted to explore. (Now that I’ve seen all 7 continents it’s time to start checking off the 50 states.) Yet here it is nine months later and I’m still jobless hanging with the parents surrounded by teetering piles of boxes. Very few of my goals have come to fruition and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. 

But I’m slowly beginning to see patterns and purpose in the moments of chaos. The year has had its share of ups and downs, twists and turns. I’ve been hyper-focused on what I’ve perceived as the various lacks and gaps while over-looking all the amazing things that have happened. I lived for a while in one country, visited several others. I’ve forged new friendships, strengthened relationships and spent valuable time with family members. I’ve learned a lot about myself, stretching and growing in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. I’ve read some great books, seen some amazing sights, tasted some fabulous food, heard and discovered some marvelous music. I learned how to play a harmonica! There have been countless un-asked for blessings and mini-miracles, insights and adventures, even unexpected love and romance. And with a new calendar year comes another chance to make a new start, to set new goals and re-affirm my commitment to previous goals.

My main goal is still, to find a job and gain some much-needed independence. But I’ve got a slew of others to work on, some that I’ve already been hashing out for a while (the previously mentioned diet and fitness goals, re-focusing on my writing, traveling and taking a few classes), as well as a few new ones (starting a daily gratitude journal and daily meditation practice, learning to bake bread and an edible pie crust, studying Jesus the Christ and memorizing The Living Christ.)

I’m also going to shift my focus here a little. I’m going to continue blogging but not as often or as consistently as I once did (don’t judge by my recent non-activity) but rather just a few posts a month and I’m going to keep it a bit more personal. But then I’m going to branch out and start a second blog in the next little while, but with the goal of actually making a little money off of it (fingers-crossed.) It could be a flop but I’ve been mulling it over for some time and have decided I need to just make the jump. I’ll keep you all posted.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what goals and resolutions you’ve made for the new year. What were your highlights of 2014? What lessons did you learn that have shaped how you’ll be facing the challenges and adventures that might come?