Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Happiness is...having a place to whine. *update*

Okay, so I’ve had a few conversations, a good cry while watching PS I Love You, a long day off of work with some much needed naps, an excursion away from my couch which made me feel almost human again, and yes, some ice cream. And while I’m still exhausted and frustrated here are some truths I’ve uncovered and rediscovered.

In addition to my rampant spate of tv watching I’ve spent a lot of time online sometimes reading blogs but more often on facbook or pinterest as they take less brain cells and stamina. But I realize that they’re also feeding my feelings of inadequacy as I see all of the perfect parties I’m not throwing, the delicious meals I’m not preparing (or eating), the clothes I’m not sewing , the crafts I’m not creating, the houses I’m not decorating, the adventures I’m not having, the music I’m not listening to, the marathons I’m not running, the books I’m not reading, the stories I’m not writing, the husbands I’m not wooing, the children I’m not raising…the list is endless and very discouraging and compounded by the fact that right now I’m not doing much of anything at all.

Some of these amazing bloggers are gifted writers, creators, entertainers, parents and more and I love that the internet gives us this unique forum to get glimpses into people’s lives and be enriched and encouraged by their talent and example. It gives me something to strive for, but it also gives me plenty of ammunition with which to judge myself and all of my inadequacies.

I have some wise friends who have blogged about this very thing much more eloquently than I will (and I thank them for their thoughts) and I’ve had a few gentle reminders in the form of song and scripture come to mind in the past few days. I’ve been really struggling to learn of God’s plan for me, recognizing and appreciating my own gifts and abilities and fighting with my feelings that I have to have everything perfect and right now. I know one of Satan’s greatest tools is discouragement and he’s been working overtime on me lately in this weakened state. But when this song played on my ipod this afternoon the message came through loud and clear. To everything there is a season and right now my season is one of healing.

Another great reminder came as I was flipping through my scriptures-- literally, there was no reading involved, but for some reason this verse jumped out at me:

Mosiah 4:27
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.

I realized that yes, I have a lot of things I need and want to be doing right now. But God is aware of my plans as well as my situation and doesn’t expect me to do more than I am able, and at this point that is very, very little. And that’s okay. And if it’s okay by God then it certainly ought to be okay by me. For now I will do what I can with what I have even if that means not much of anything at the moment. This won’t last forever and soon I’ll be able to pick up where I left off and move forward with more enthusiasm and perspective because of what I’m going through right now.

And as sort of a bookend to that thought: This scripture has been hanging on my mirror for months but it had fallen behind a photo and when I pulled it out this evening and reread it the truth of it sunk into my shallow heart.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things though Christ which strengtheneth me.

No matter how weak I am or perceive myself to be He will bless me with the strength I need to do what is required of me at every point in my life if I will just trust Him.

Sometimes that is easier said than done though which is why He gives us friends, scriptures, music, chick flicks and ice cream to help get us over the hurdles. And scenes like these.

How can someone look at this and not know that there is a supreme being in charge of the universe and everything in it? (Including my sad little life.)

Conclusion: God is good. Amen and amen.


  1. One of the most challenging phases to live through is that of healing.

    Having dealt with chronic pain for the past year I know a little of what you must be feeling.

    Things will turn and when they do everything will seem possible again.

    1. Thanks Miranda. I'm sorry you have had to go through similar things (it sucks!) but it is nice to know I'm not the only one. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be learning patience and faith and a few other important lessons...we'll see if I pass!