I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about the fact that I may have made incorrect decisions in the past that have lead me to this place where my destiny won't be able to find me. I worry about all the things in the present that I should be doing or that I'm not doing enough of or doing when I should be doing something else or not doing as well as someone else does it. I worry that I won't recognize all the right choices that I need to take advantage of in the future. And I worry that I spend too much time worrying!
This weekend was one filled with worry. Worry for the future, the unknown hows and the whens and what ifs. Worry that I've wasted time doing all the wrong things and not even doing them well and looking at all the people around me who seem to have it all together and seeing my lack and negligence and deficiency.
And after feeling emotionally and spiritually drained of all hope and confidence I read this passage:
Isn't it sometimes discouraging to see just how easily the adversary uses such earthly issues as vanity and worry, envy and pettiness to distract us from our divine mission and the unity we could enjoy in [life]? We all get discouraged and distracted--caught up in the thick of thin things--no matter how good we are. But do we have time, energy, or emotion to waste on what dress to wear or whose living room is the loveliest? We have real things to think about...We need to drink more deeply and be filled more fully for the work that lies ahead of us...(T)he things that swirl around us are not us and...the demands on our lives are not life itself. **
It was a perfect, timely reminder to 'let Go and let god' as one of my friends likes to say. I'll always be a worrier, but some things merit the efforts of my worry more than others and most things that eat up my energy and peace of mind are not the things I need to be concerned about. Easier said than done of course but still something to shoot for and something to remember and just hearing the words in my head granted me a bit of serenity that I desperately needed.
I'm so grateful for others who go before us imparting their experiences and wisdom and making the way just that much smoother for the rest of us.
**This and much more comfort and great insights can be found in the book A Quiet Heart by Patricia T. Holland. It's one I re-read again every couple of years to remind myself of forgotten truths.
A few years ago I confided in Blythe about some of the things I was going through at the time and she said, "and all this time, I thought your life was all roses." I'm a pretty private person. I like to process things on my own so even the people I'm closest too often don't really know what I'm struggling with any given day. So whenever I catch myself starting to compare my life to others, I remind myself of what Blythe told me. It's easy to thing that other people's lives are "all roses" it's important to realize that we don't see everything and really nobody has that kind of life.
ReplyDeleteIf it's any consolation, you're looking pretty great from where I sit. I would never think that you don't have your life together. Even though I am so proud of my own talents, I'm also envious of some of yours (you are such an incredible writer!).
I was talking to your mom a couple weeks ago and we were talking about facebook and blogs and I told her how much I love them because they have given me an opportunity to not only stay in touch with people I love and don't see very often but also the opportunity to get to know you like I never did when we were growing up. I really do enjoy your blog so thanks for keeping up on it.
(I hope at least some of this makes sense... I always stay up too late even though I'm exhausted) :)
You know, that's one of those truths I know but have such a hard time remembering. But I love that image of the roses. Thanks for that! And I appreciate the compliments, it's always good to hear ;)
DeleteWhile I find myself falling victim to the comparison game primarily through facebook and all I completely agree that they have been such a great way to get to know people on a different level. It's great to be able to see everyone's families grow when I don't get to be there in person. I'll keep up on mine if you keep up on yours! :)