Sometimes I need to remind myself that having a lot of things to do can actually be a blessing. I yearn for a quiet life, time to reflect and read and breathe and be but most often my life (like everyone else's in this day and age) is so jam packed full of to do list items and necessary evils and the occasional fun adventure that I'm lucky if I have time to sleep. (Oh wait, most of the time I don't!) It's easy to get so caught up in the musts and have tos that we let the shoulds and sometimes even other, but more quiet, needs slip through the cracks.
This has been the pattern of my life for the last couple of weeks. I'm in the middle of trying to make some huge, life altering decisions but I haven't been able to give them the focus that they've needed because of so many other smaller but more immediate concerns that have been screaming for my attention. How does one find time to ponder the future when the present is so, well, present? Clearly one can't make worthwhile decisions without clean underwear. Laundry must be done. And try as I might to cut out sleeping and eating in favor of more productive tasks, it simply can't be done. I enjoy food far too much and anything resembling a logical thought process or brain activity shuts down of its own accord after about 12 hours awake (still working on adjusting that...) Many of my own activities get pushed aside in order to accommodate friends who are in town or birthday celebrations or service opportunities or emergencies that arise.
And yet, in the midst of all the hustle and bustle and wishing for a few more hours in the day I have come to recognize the irony of my situation and to appreciate that while it's taking me longer than I'd like to get some things done I am blessed beyond measure. Those laundry piles that beckon mean I have clothes to wear (and enough that the laundry only really has to be done every couple of weeks.) There is always food in my fridge and plenty of it and even though I don't have the sleeping thing down I do have a bed, a plethora of pillows, and soft squishy blankets to keep me company in my wakefulness. And a social calendar that is too full? Well, those friends are what keep me going and support me when it all gets to be too much and everything falls apart. They make me laugh, they share my tears, they listen to my endless complaining and commiserate when the occasion calls for it. They introduce me to great books and bands and vacation spots and other friends and enrich my life immeasurably.
I'm still baby stepping my way towards those momentous decisions and changes (I'll share the news when it's all official 'cause I think it's going to be really great!) and a slower paced existence but in the meantime I'm finding contentment in the crazy and eking out whatever tiny bits of sanity and peace I can find.
How've you been?
*read as A Terrible Excuse for Why I've Been so Sporadic at Blogging Lately