being on the cusp of a new adventure.

It’s hard to believe that I’m getting on a plane tomorrow. In some ways this has all come around incredibly fast; from the decision making to the follow through, my life has change dramatically in a little less than six months. And yet, because of the multiple steps I’ve taken (moving out of my apartment, moving away from Virginia, moving back home and now finally leaving) it feels as if this day would never actually come.  But here I am, crossing my fingers that my suitcase doesn’t weigh so much they’ll kick it off the plane and that I haven’t forgotten anything.  (I’m not betting on either of those!)

On the eve of it all I wanted to give a quick re-cap of all the fun I’ve had at home the past few weeks. Despite my complaining I haven’t actually spent all my time studying, packing, and getting ready (just most of it!) I have had a plethora of opportunities to spend time with my family: my sweet new niece, my rambunctious nephews, my three remaining grandparents, brothers, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles and my ever-patient and accommodating parents. (How grateful I am that they are willing and able to welcome their wayward, 30+ year-old daughter back into their basement, no questions asked.)

The highlight was a trip to Disneyland, truly the happiest place on earth. It was fun to visit with kids and see it through their eyes (though it was also a bit of a challenge, fighting against nap times and temper tantrums!) We finished our trip with a stop in St George in southern Utah where I got to hike and soak up some red rock vibes. The desert feeds my soul in a way that nothing else seems to be able to. It is instantly nurturing and centering. My breath slows and deepens, my mind clears and even the most horrific of problems seems small and manageable under the vast blue of the desert sky.

My mom and I spent many an hour wandering farmer’s markets, harvesting from the backyard garden and creating various dishes from plum jams and barbecue sauces to peach cobbler and tomato, basil salads. Check out these fun little cucumbers that look like bitty watermelons!  (They were delicious mixed with heirloom tomatoes, basil, lemon spinach, goat cheese and balsamic vinegar.)

Missing my fix of all things bookish I dragged my mother to a reading/signing at the local independent book store, The King's English. Phil and Erin Stead came to introduce his newest book (a darling story about a little bird in search of a friend) and read some of their past releases including my very favorite, their Caldecott winning collaboration, A Sick Day for Amos McGee. They were delightful to listen to and visit with. And it always makes me happy to introduce a favorite book to someone and have them love it as much as I do! My mom was smitten with McGee and bought signed copies as Christmas gifts for everyone she knows!

My local musical guru (aka my sister) and I took in an amazing performance by Mr. Ben Folds, my last concert for the next six months. He’d just come from a massive tour with the Bare Naked Ladies and others followed by a seclusion spent writing a musical score.  He told us he’d wanted to book a forgiving venue where he could just play and not have to think too hard about anything, to give himself a break. It was one of the best shows I’ve seen. He took requests from the audience and from twitter, made up words to songs he hadn’t sung in years, lead us in a couple of group sing-alongs and just had a blast doing it all. And we had a blast watching/listening/participating.

Then there were visits to the fair, trips to the farm, countless thick and frosty shakes and meals with friends, afternoons spent in the cool of the movie theater watching this (meh) and this (hilarious) and this (fun but not nearly as fun as the first), and hours enjoying the turning leaves in the nearby mountains.

It’s been a fun and eventful couple of months but I’m ready to move on to the next phase of it all. I’m off to the airport bright and early for a 26+ hour journey to the other side of the world. Adventure, chaos, culture shock, a steep learning curve and who knows what kinds of experiences await. And I say bring it! See ya'll in Thailand!

a day to celebrate dads.

My dad and I have never had the best relationship.  In some ways we are exactly alike and in others we are exactly opposite which has caused a lot of moments of head butting and misunderstandings and frustrations and (in my case) tears throughout my lifetime. That said, my dad is a wonderful person. He is strong and hard working, committed and humble. He has been a constant example of faith and integrity, traits that have shaped many of the choices I have made and the things I have done in my life.  He has always provided for our family, been supportive, and done his best to see that we are happy and successful.

I've always envied my friends who are daddy's girls, those who have their dads wrapped around their little fingers and can tell their dads anything. I don't know that I'll ever have that kind of relationship with mine but a little maturity (on my end) and a few years of physical separation have worked miracles in helping us to learn to appreciate our differences in communicating and in our emotional needs and has brought us closer to that ideal.

So, today I give a shout out to my constant supporter, provider and example. Thanks for all you have done for me in helping me to become the person I am today, for giving me a high standard to live up to and a measure for the kind of man I'd like to marry some day. I love you!

And thanks to all the men in my life who have filled fatherly roles in ways large and small and those who will continue to do so as time goes by.

These last two thoughts aren't mine but express how I feel about the important role of fathers.

"...a father's calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time."
Ezra Taft Benson

"God bless you, dear fathers. May He bless you with wisdom and judgment, with understanding, with self-discipline and self-control, with faith and kindness and love. And may He bless the sons and daughters who have come into your homes, that yours may be a fortifying, strengthening, guiding hand as they walk the treacherous path of life. As the years pass—and they will pass ever so quickly—may you know that “peace … which passeth all understanding” (Philip. 4:7) as you look upon your sons and daughters, who likewise have known that sacred and wonderful peace."

Gordon B Hinckley

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there. All the ties, power tools and BBQ equipment in the world can't express how much you are needed and appreciated!

the best news.

I became an aunt for the third time over earlier this week. I have a 3 year-old nephew and a 2 year-old nephew (thanks to two different brothers and their incredible wives) who have added light and life to our family. And now we've added a beautiful niece to the mix and I am overjoyed.

It amazes me how fiercely I can love these little beings who share really only the smallest part of my blood and soul, who live thousands of miles away and who I only get to see maybe twice a year. And it amazes me how fiercely they can love me back!

I want to protect them and shelter them from all of the horrible things that they'll undoubtedly face as they grow up in this ever-changing and often cruel world. But I long to share with them and introduce them to so many of the fabulous things that this same world has to offer.  To watch them learn and discover the things around them, who they are and what they are capable of as they grow into their own. I want to cheer them on as they succeed and wipe their tears when they fall, to assure them that while life is hard it's also very, very good.

I want to share late night movies and treats their parents have forbidden them to eat. To sneak them away for day trips and date nights. To be the voice of reason when they have that teenage-induced loss of respect for their parents.

And, nothing against the boys, but I want to buy dresses and pink and play dress-up and tea party. Thanks, baby P for bringing me a little bit closer to that dream!

Welcome to our family, baby girl. And welcome to the world!

a year end list.

I'm a sucker for lists and love the 'year in review' shows on TV and articles that seem to show up in every media venue known to man. Not one to be left out in the cold I'm shamelessly stealing the idea from everyone who has already posted theirs the last few days. Here is a brief overview of some of my favorite happenings throughout the months of 2012.

JANUARY

The once in a lifetime trip to Antarctica.  (really the list could stop there, it doesn't get much better than this!)

FEBRUARY

A behind-the-scenes visit to the Library of Congress

MARCH

A fantastic St. Patrick's Day brunch

APRIL

Spring in the District

MAY

Camping in Pennsylvania

JUNE

Hanging out with the cutest nephews in the world

JULY

Nats games!

AUGUST

Road trip to Rhode Island

SEPTEMBER

The US Open

OCTOBER

Running a 5K

NOVEMBER

Hosting Pie Day

DECEMBER

Capping off a year of great performances and concerts with a few holiday shows

It always gives me pause to see just how far I've come and what has happened in the space of 12 short months. Lives can change in the blink of an eye and yet sometimes the longer increments of time seem to fly by without any noticeable changes at all. I'm grateful for the various outlets I have for keeping track of all that I've done, the things I've seen and experienced and learned that help me keep life a bit more in perspective when I feel as if I'm stuck or not accomplishing all I'd hoped to accomplish. Sure, there are a ton of things still left on my list but I've crossed off quite a few too! Here's to a new year, new lists and new experiences. Tune in tomorrow for the latest edition.

a fun-filled holiday season.

As most of the world can relate, the holidays are often so jam-packed with goings on and things to do that one usually feels more harried than happy, more manic than merry. And while I had my moments of madness, mostly I was surrounded by incredible friends and family, busy making gifts and memories and basking in the events of the season.


I was able to travel home for just over a week for Christmas itself and spent time cuddling the nephews, soaking up the wisdom of my grandparents, enjoying the snow and the company of great friends, getting visits from Santa and eating my weight in delicious food.

making treats

playing in the snow and the mountains

Santa loves me!

one of many delicious meals

more treats

one of many fabulous light displays

more lights

Man I've missed you! My life has been in an emotional upheaval lately which you'll hear about soon enough but I needed to make some belated updates on the holidays and steal some ideas from some friends' blogs to get myself feeling caught up and ready to tackle life and regular postings again. So, pretend this really was posted a week and a half ago and many apologies for the tardiness of it all.

being grateful.

November photo-a-day challenge #19
Written words

A card written in my grandmother's hand and passed down to me from my mother.  I've traced the words at least twice as they've faded so they're probably now more mine than hers but I cherish them all the same. And they've brought me hope and comfort often throughout the years.

the sounds of home.

You might think a 30-something who'd lived away from home for the majority of her adult life (and in a different state for more than 6 years no less!) would not struggle with homesickness, but it's just not true.

I've spent much of this week struggling with not sleeping, craving sugar and bread (I'm doing a diet cleanse in an effort to help me sleep better, so far it's not working!) and trying to recover from last weekend's craziness. The result? I want nothing more than to drop everything and hang out with my family. It's not quite as bad as when you're sick and nothing can make you feel better except being pampered by mommy, but it's close!

I've tried talking to many of them on the phone but it's not the same. I bought plane tickets home for Christmas which worked for a bit til the reality of the dent in the bank account set in. But what has worked the best, what always seems to have magical powers to soothe and speak to my soul...music. I've found unexpected solace in listening to the sounds of home. It's not a cure-all but it's helped.

This week's prescription? Take a listen:

(I thought the starry background rather appropriate)

What's been playing on your personal soundtrack this week?

Happiness is...a day for dads.

My dad and I have never had a fabulous relationship.  I love him dearly and I know he loves me but we are just so different (or maybe we are too similar?) we have always had a hard time getting along. One of the greatest things that has come from my move across the country is an improvement in our relationship.  I don't know that I'll ever be a daddy's girl (and I harbor secret envy of those who are) but my love and appreciation for him grows exponentially on a daily basis.

He is one of the smartest people I know, but also one of the most stubborn. I highly respect him and value his opinion but am also finally coming to understand and appreciate the fact that he doesn't know everything.  And he is learning to value my opinion as well.

He is one of the hardest working people I've ever met and he taught me to do a job well.

He has an undeniable faith and is willing to serve and teach and share that faith with others in any capacity. He's taught me to put the Lord first and do the same.

He's not perfect but he's always been there for me and I know he will be no matter what happens.

Even when we've not been able to see eye to eye I know that I can trust him and that he has nothing but my best interests in mind (even if it doesn't always come across that way.)

Thanks dad. For putting up with me.  For supporting me in so many ways. For being the example and the foundation of my life. I can only hope that I'll choose wisely enough that my children will be as lucky with their example of fatherhood as I was with mine.

I love you!

Happy Father's Day

Happiness is...a trip home.

4 hours + 1 plane ride + 2000 miles + 3 super thick shakes + 4 dinners with friends + 1 mani/pedi + miles of  mountains + 2 darling nephews + 1 birthday celebration + 20 hugs from a two-year-old + 5 kisses from a one-year-old + countless moments with grandparents + 1 rousing game of glow-in-the-dark air hockey + 2 massages + 1 afternoon movie - all stress - 24 hours of work - any doses of reality + a bit of typical family drama = 1 terrific trip home!

And now we're back to real life. Why is it that vacations are never long enough?

Happiness is...having an amazing mom.

I've tried to come up with something cutesy and quirky to post about my mom on this celebratory mom's day but my brain is just not cooperating.  Instead I'm going to have to go with the drab and prosaic praise...I have the best mom in the world.  Now, some of you may think that your mom is the best, but I'll have to argue with you.  You're wrong. Because mine is truly the best.

Not only did she (literally) risk her life giving birth to myself and various and sundry siblings she has continued to put it on the line in different ways for each of us since then. She has faced down angry teachers and bullies, gotten in cars driven by us before we were licensed and aware of what we were actually doing, sat through countless recitals, performances and awards programs, eaten our cooking, attempted to teach us how to scrub toilets and bathtubs, kissed our boo-boos, listened to our heartaches and dramas and dealt with all of our teen angst (which some of us have never grown out of!)

Most importantly, she's stepped back and let us make our own mistakes. She's been there to help pick us up when we fall and guide us back to where we needed to be without condemning or judging, just loving and nurturing and teaching each step of the way. And when we make the same mistakes again and again she has had infinite patience and continues to do so day after day, answering with prayers and encouragement and a shoulder to cry on.

She has taught by example how to serve others and put the Lord first and I am eternally grateful for her models of sacrifice and faith. I'm not much, but all the good things that I am I can trace directly back to her.  I love you mom!

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention all the mother figures I've had in my life, and I've had many.  Aunts, grandmothers, teachers, neighbors, youth leaders and more have all stepped in at moments when they've been most needed and offered love, support, and examples that have shaped my soul. I'm grateful for friends and contemporaries who are now mothers themselves, raising up children who give me faith and hope in the future of our world. Thanks to you we are in good hands!

Hopefully you've taken a moment today to voice your appreciation for the women who act as mothers in your life. If not, there's still time. Call them, thank them, and do something to show them how much you care.

A few closing thoughts, much more eloquently and beautifully stated than I could hope to attempt:

Motherhood is near to divinity.  It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.
~Howard W. Hunter


A mother has far greater influence on her children than anyone else, and she must realize that every word she speaks, every act, every response, her attitude, even her appearance and manner of dress affect the lives of her children and the whole family. It is while the child is in the home that he gains from his mother the attitudes, hopes, and beliefs that will determine the kind of life he will live and the contribution he will make to society.
~N. Eldon Tanner


All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is...reliving history.

Today's Google Doodle made me smile.

I've spent too many hours to count poring over Egyptian museum exhibits and reading books about Egypt (both historical and mythical) and falling in love with this unique part of the world.

I know I've posted on this before so I won't rehash it all again but I did enjoy reliving a bit of my own history and remembering the amazing trip I took to Egypt with my mom and sister a few years ago. It was almost like stepping back in time. The language, the people, the food, the smells, the bustling market places, the camels and carts and calls to prayer are all timeless. And then there are the pyramids, the sphinx, the great Nile, the hieroglyphs, the monuments that speak from centuries past.  There's no place like it.

Howard Carter's a slightly controversial figure but there's no doubt he played an important role in bringing much of what we know about Egyptian history to light and generating new interest in the subject. Happy 138th birthday to the man!

Happiness is...remembering.

Today marks the 70th Anniversary of the attacks on Pearl Harbor.

I wasn't there that day but I think the experience must have been akin to the shock my generation felt while watching the events of September 11th unfold. Even now words fail to describe the horror and disorientation as ordinary lives quickly spiraled into the realm of nightmare and disbelief. I don't know if hearing things second hand, after the fact and described over the radio would make them more or less conceivable than watching them unfold live before your eyes on a television screen, but doubtless the situation could only have been surreal. What could the future possibly hold?

Both of my grandfathers served in WWII. One served in the Army in the Pacific, primarily in Okinawa, the other was a Navy man storming the beach at Normandy and sailing the coasts of Africa. I grew up hearing stories of what life was like for my grandmothers waiting back home but since neither of my grandfathers have ever really talked about their war experiences, I've imagined and pieced together what their lives may have been like through watching countless movies and reading scores of books both fictional and non.

My father and grandfather both served missions in Germany, my grandfather in the late 30s just prior to Hitler's reign of terror and my father in the early 70s. Their love for the German people and the land in general also generated a fascination in me for that area of the world and its complex and troubled history. I've spent many hours poring over slides and photos and journal entries of their experiences at various sites and hearing them talk about the damages Hitler's rule did to so many good people. I've been blessed to see a few of those places myself in recent years and remember watching with my father as the Berlin Wall fell and thinking that finally the land could begin to heal.

I was also able to spend some time in Hawaii several years ago and visited the site of the USS Arizona. There is a definite feeling of the sacred as you stand over the remains of ship still sitting at the bottom of the harbor, the watery graves of the 1177 crew members, soldiers and civilians lost in that fateful attack. Over 2000 were lost that day and over 1000 more injured in the episode that finally entered the US in the great war that had been raging already in Europe and the Pacific for years.

My grandfathers are 88 and 92 years old, their generation has nearly come to its close and soon only their stories and memories will be left. As George Santayana so wisely observed, "Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it." Let us not forget this Greatest Generation, their experiences and all that they've gone through or we will surely go through it again for ourselves.

Never forget!

Happiness is...a vacation!

·     I’m baaack! Did ya miss me?  I missed you! (Wait. Is there anyone still out there?! I know.  I've been quiet a long time.) It’s been a great couple of weeks and it’s been tough settling back into reality.

It gets a bit harder every time I leave my family; each time I hug my Grandpa I’m afraid it will be for the last time and my nephews grow so much I hardly recognize them. But it’s nice to be back on a bit of a schedule and catching up on my sleep (sort of.)

I’m also looking forward to some new entries and a little revitalization of the blog after the inundation of book/reading entries the past couple of months. But today I’m still working on jet lag and I have way too many photos to sort through so you get another list; just a quick highlight of some of my favorite vacation moments. Enjoy!

• Baby hugs and kisses
• Mr. Potato Head (my little nephew is obsessed--it was great fun to watch him play with one for hours on end!)
• Weddings (while ½ of me is depressed by them the other ½ of me finds them strangely hopeful and I love seeing what people do with the colors, flowers and such...the free food’s always nice too! ;)
• Amazing food
• Pickle pie, pinto bean pie (specialties of this fun little diner in Bicknell, UT)
• Shakes (thick enough to eat with a spoon, just like I like them…every single day!!)
• Jackfruit sticky rice (even better than mango if you can believe it!)
• Dark European chocolate
• Perfectly ripe, juicy watermelon
• Being pampered; a main-pedi, massage, haircut, and some much needed retail therapy
• A deep breath
• A couple of fun re-reads (I rarely allow myself the luxury of re-reading because I feel guilty I’m not doing something to make my TBR pile a little shorter, but I ran out of the books I brought with me and was left to choose from my mother’s book shelf. So, I spent a few hours indulging in a trip down memory lane while reading Dealing with Dragons and The Prisoner of Zenda….good times!)
• Fun movies (finishing out the Summer of superheroes with a viewing of Captain America)
• Listening to my Grandpa reminisce and tell me he loves me
• Staying up until 2 am catching up with an old friend
• Afternoon naps and sleeping late
• Dinner with my Grandma
• Josh Groban, live!

Are you jealous? You should be!!

• Crazy pianists (this guy opened up for Josh Groban and he was pretty darn amazing)
• Exuberant air keyboard players (the guy sitting next to us at the concert was REALLY into it and REALLY entertaining)
• My first author comment on the blog!!! (it’s nice to know other people read this, even if they do it just because of signals/alerts for web mentions of their books)
• Riding a carousel (being with 2 cute little boys didn't hurt much either)
• The astoundingly glorious nature of nature
• Red rocks
• Geysers
• The endlessly deep blue skies you can only get in the desert
• Big horn sheep, bison, elk, bats, pikas
• 10 gazillion stars (at least!)
• The crisp, clean scents of pine and sage in the air
• Shifting, luminous clouds
• Absolute silence

You can see why it’s been hard to come back.  Who wants reality after all of that?!

Thanks for checking in again after my hiatus.  Hopefully I’ll come up with enough to keep you coming back for more on a regular-ish basis. Have yourselves a fabulously wonderful weekend and then share with me what you did. Can’t wait to hear about it!

Happiness is...a busy weekend.

Despite the horrendously hot and humid weather that is upon us (a friend picturesquely described it as knowing what it must feel like to live inside a person's armpit) I have a full calendar of things to do this weekend, many of them out doors. (Hooray!?)

My sister flew in from Utah yesterday afternoon and after the requisite stop for some sustenance and gossip we set out directly to do some outlet shopping. (She was much more successful than I, darnit!)

Next it was off to the gorgeous Wolf Trap venue of the performing arts to see Sweeney Todd. We sat on the lawn feeling as if we were in a sauna even after the sun went down. It was a bit miserable actually. But the music was devilishly delightful and made up for it! We were also in great company and well-fed which can go a long way to making any situation bearable.

Such a gloriously gruesome production! I'm not sure why I like it so much because it really is dark and disturbing but I love it. We got into a discussion amongst ourselves about the varying merits of the live productions versus the movies and which performers are best and so forth.  I remember being shocked when I found out that Angela Lansbury played Mrs. Lovett on Broadway but had never seen any of her performance.  Assured that she was fantastic I came home and Googled it.  Thanks to the marvels of the internet and Youtube I'll share a bit of it with you!

As you can tell from the lyrics it's got more than a bit of the ick factor about it and yet it's so catchy and clever.  It's also a grat story about the value of forgiveness. Really. Benjamin Barker aka Sweeney Todd had been greviously wronged and in just about everyone's eyes is justified in seeking revenge for the lives of his wife and daughter destroyed by evil men.  And yet his insistence at getting even lead to his own downfall despite his technically getting back at those who ruined his life. A lesson to be learned there for sure.

If you haven't seen the production or heared the music I would highly recommend it (if you can stomach the subject matter.) The Johnny Depp movie version does a great job (though never as powerful or impressive as a live performance, but he's so pretty even in his creepy make-up it's more than worth it!) though it is a bit bloodier thanks to special effects and such. Make that tons bloodier...it's pretty intense at times. I found myself listening more than watching at some points but I don't have a very high tolerance for blood. Just be forewarned!

Anyhow, the rest of the weekend will include various wedding activities for a good friend (outdoor games and a picnic, sure to wilt the heartiest of us), a possible 24th of July Hootenanny (I do miss having a second holiday full of BBQs and fireworks in July), a trip into town to spend some time amongst the monuments and air-conditioned museums, more shopping and delicious food. It promises to be very hot but very eventful.

And this will serve as my pre-apology excuse in case I miss any of my book review postings!  Just like to make sure I've covered all my bases you know.  :)

I hope your own weekend is full and fulfilling and not nearly as sweat-inducing as mine.  I'd love to hear about it!

Happiness is...remembering a hero.

I know I wrote a bit about heroes before but today I want to mention the real life heroes rather than the comic book/fictional ones. This post is a few days late in coming and I apologize but I didn't want the week to pass without taking a moment to express my extreme gratitude for all of those who have gone before.

I have a great legacy of ancestors as I've mentioned before. I come from a long line of pioneers (in the literal trekking across the plains sense and the more figurative sense) and those who have lived and died for their faith, their families and their beliefs. I continually wonder if they are looking down on me from the great beyond and shaking their heads in exasperation, cheering me on, or laughing at my constant stupidity. Either way, I know without a doubt that they are aware of me and what I am doing, at least to some extent, and we'll have an opportunity to commiserate or laugh together when my mortal sojourn is complete. That's a pretty great feeling as well as a big responsibility.

I also have what can only be called reverent pride for those who serve our country. Both of my grandfathers served in WWII; one in the Pacific Theater and one in Europe and Africa. Several of my uncles have served in the Army and Air Force in Vietnam and the current skirmishes in the Middle East. I've been blessed to have them all return relatively unscathed (can anyone who has seen war be truly unaffected? I doubt it.)  But I know that there are others who aren't so lucky. And I know that they rarely get the credit, recognition and appreciation they deserve.  Often they are the targets of public ridicule from those who oppose whichever war may be going on (as if the service men started the wars themselves) or the government when the war isn't going the way they'd planned (when do wars ever go as planned?) They sacrifice their time, their families, their sanity/health and often their lives for very little in return. And I want to give my personal appreciation for every single one of them past and present who fight and patrol and serve in so many ways to help preserve our way of life.

One of my favorite things about living in the DC area is the pervading influence of patriotism in the air. Rarely a day goes by that I don't see someone in uniform or see a reminder of what they are fighting for. I love the spirit you feel at the monuments and memorials and want to share just a bit of it here in honor of those who give so freely.

Air Force Memorial

WWII Memorial (with Washington Monument in the background)

Korean War Memorial

Vietnam Memorial

Arlington Cemetery

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Heroes don't always wear capes or have mystical powers but they always save the world, even if it's just their little corner of it. My hope is that I will be able to live my life in such a way that I in no way cheapen the sacrifice that others have made to get me where I am today. God bless those who have gone before and God bless those who serve. Happy (late) Memorial Day.

Happiness is...adopted family.

If you're lucky enough to have family all around you, be grateful. I'm currently 2090.99 miles away from mine (thank you MapQuest) and sometimes I miss them so much it hurts. I miss being able to drive down the street to see my aunt or Grandpa at a moment's notice. I miss being included in the big family gatherings, the holiday barbecues, the weddings and baby blessings. I miss family dinners with all their squabbles and tensions and uncontrollable giggles. I miss having afternoons where my mom and/or sister and I hang out and do absolutely nothing together. I miss lunches with my Grandma. I miss laughing and visiting with my cousins, being buoyed up by the love and testimonies of my uncles and learning of service and motherhood from my aunts. I miss the big things and the little things but mostly I just miss the security of knowing that there is always someone there, someone I can call on at a moment's notice for help or advice or a shoulder to cry on or any number of things.

Being adrift on my own in the big, wide world I've had to learn to find substitute family. Friends and ward members have stepped into shoes otherwise filled by blood relatives and for the most part they've done a pretty decent job (though they're never quite the same.) But I've been blessed to have a few people practically adopt me and become as close to family as possible without actually being related.

When I first moved out to the East Coast I had a second cousin who was living out here with her husband and kids. We'd known each other a bit growing up but not well (her dad was in the Air Force and they spent most of their growing up years in Japan.) So, first I had the great opportunity to get to know them better and have the benefit of a family unit to spend time with. And then my cousin's husbands parents (confusing yes? but no relation to me at all) moved out here as well and we spent a lot of time together, having Sunday dinners and game nights and such. When my cousin and her family moved to Chicago I figured I would never see Phil and Meredith again. But I was so mistaken! They have taken me under their wings and accepted me into their family in a big way. They've been there to help me move, to take me to dinner, to share evenings of laughter and entertainment, introduced me to some fabulous movies, sent countless emails and made dozens of phone calls checking in to make sure everything is okay in my solitary little world. I've taken to calling them my aunt and uncle, first as a simplified version of the convoluted story about who they actually are but now as truth. They've helped to fill a void that only a select number of people can fill and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Friends, who in your life do you look to as family? Do you have someone you can count on for the ugly as well as the good? Is there someone who has blessed your life simply by being in it? I'd love to hear about them. Leave me a comment!

Happiness is...a familial connection.

My mom is pretty big into genealogy. It started years ago when my grandfather started to trace his ancestors back to England and everything ran aground after only one generation when he ran into his oh-so-creatively-named grandfather, Henry Brown. She (and others in her family) have worked with professional genealogists, spent countless hours in the local family history library and even traveled to England to hunt down clues about him and his family. We did finally find him, the details of which could be an entire book of its own, but suffice it to say, because of the constant activity and mom's natural inclination to be more talkative than dad, I've always had more of an interest in and known more about my mom's side of the family than my dad's. I had little pieces of the puzzle thanks to our obviously Scottish last name and passing comments made by my grandparents but nothing really concrete to build on.

Well, this past year for Christmas my dad gave all us kids folders filled with stories, journals, newspaper clippings, and charts detailing some of our family history and I've absolutely loved learning more about my paternal ancestors.  My proud heritage includes pioneers who crossed oceans and plains for their beliefs, members of the ill-fated Martin Handcart company, settlers and school teachers, missionaries and hard-workers in many fields. Reaching out and touching the distant past gives me a greater appreciation for the present, all that I am and all that I have. 

But the greatest joy has been in coming to know my grandfather a bit better.  Relations in my dad's family have always been a little strained and we've not had the chance to be as close as we'd like, so being able to read his own words and hear about his childhood has been fascinating.  I feel as if I've come to know him as a person instead of just as 'grandpa'. Born on the cusp of the Great Depression, he lived the life I've read about in so many of my books, at once both hard and idyllic; winter sleigh rides, summer baseball games in the pasture, and hours spent listening to programs in front of the radio. This got me reminiscing about my own adventures listening to the radio.

When I was young there was a radio station that would play these old radio shows at night.  From 9 until 10 when I was supposed to be in bed asleep I would turn on my alarm clock radio and get lost in the worlds of Fibber McGee and Molly, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy, The Great Gildersleeve and the Twilight Zone.  (You ever want to be truly terrified? Forget books. Screw movies.  Turn off the lights and listen to chilling stories told by someone with a horribly creepy voice and strategically placed sound effects. It's amazing what your imagination can conjure up when it's not got anything else to do.  I spent months sleeping with my lights on or with my dolls locked in my closet after particularly scary episodes.  My mom finally but the kibosh on my listening habits...which of course inspired me to turn the volume down really low and put the radio right next to my pillow.  Readers aren't the only ones with clandestine nighttime activities!)

In his history my grandpa mentioned listening to Amos and Andy specifically and I decided to see if I could hunt down some version to see how it compared to the other shows I was familiar with. I checked out a comedy collection from my local library (aka my home away from home) and have spent the last several weeks in the company of some of the greatest comics in history. The Great Gildersleeve wasn't as funny as I remembered it being and I didn't love Amos and Andy (sorry grandpa!) but I can totally understand why George Burns had such a long and lustrous career.  Opting for listening first thing in the morning rather than late at night, I often had to stop applying my mascara or curling my hair for fear of jabbing myself in the eye or dreaded forehead burns from giggling too much at Red Skelton, Jack Benny and Abbott and Costello. Laughing out loud....what a fabulous way to start the day!  And what a simple, yet powerful way to feel just a little bit closer to my grandfather.

My challenge for you this week is to make some connections of your own.  Dig deep into your family history and learn something new.  Talk to your parents or grandparents and ask them their most cherished memories. Make a few memories of your own. Try a recipe from your native homeland.  Watch your grandfather's favorite movie. Plant your mother's favorite flower. Tell their stories, keep them alive, make them real. And I guarantee you'll find a bit of happiness along the way!

Happiness is...mail from my nephew!

Okay, so it was actually from my sister-in-law and it was really just his darling little birth announcement, but still. His name was on the top line of the return address and it made me smile!  Three cute little photos framed in stars and rocket ships; a smile, a peaceful sleeper and a face all scrunched up in a baby cry that just makes you wanna kiss him and make it better.  It doesn't get any sweeter than that!

Carl Sandburg once said that, "A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."  I couldn't agree more.  You just can't help but feel hopeful and full of love when you hold a tiny baby in your arms.  No matter what else is going on in the world, what tragedies are being screamed about in the headlines, or how terrible your day might be going a baby makes everything better.  The soft, clean scent of baby skin, the tight grasp of a hand around your finger, the happy gurgles and coos and contented sighs.  Pure bliss.

So, go find yourself a baby.  Listen to it, hug it, sniff it, hold it...find a bit of happiness and renew your faith in the world!

Happiness is...discovering new music!

I love listening to music.  There's just something about a melody that connects to your soul and emotions in ways that nothing else can.  A few notes of song can reverse the clock and take you back to your childhood.  Change the notes and you may find yourself instantly in high school, feeling the rush of your first love or the devastation of that first broken heart.  Music captures the highs and lows and recreates them better than any time machine, for better or for worse.

I grew up in a home filled with music.  My parents took us to the young persons symphony programs when we were little and exposed us to their favorite bands from their youth.  My little brothers and sister and I would drag our kitchen bar stools into the front room, pull out the record player and sing back-up into wooden spoons,  or with our hands over our ears, mimicking the recording booths we'd seen on TV. (The Carpenters have no idea how much bigger they would have been if they'd only used us!)  Or for those livelier tunes we'd improvise hand gestures and dance movements ala The Supremes. I also spent many a Sunday night at my Grandpa's house listening to his old jazz records and basking in the memories of the first time he heard or saw a certain band and reveling in his opinions as to why this trumpeter was better than that one and such.

It also seemed like every friend I made or life step I took would introduce me to some new type of music or add a new artist to my list of favorites. A friend who'd served a church mission in South America gave me the gift of Luis Miguel and Los Prisioneros.  A short stint at a small rural college dragged me kicking and screaming onto the country train (never to look back, I'm afraid!) Roommates and co-workers have roped me into concerts such as Dan Fogelberg and Pete Yorn.  Dates have taken me to see Sarah McLachlan and Jim Brickman. My sister continually passes on CDs meant to enlighten me in the ways of some of the smaller indie alternative bands.  And then there are the lovely bloggers who are continually throwing out names I've never heard of!

In consequence, my tastes are rather eclectic and run through everything from JS Bach to Dave Brubeck,  The Beatles to Bon Jovi, James Taylor to Taylor Swift, The Killers to the King's Singers, Lady Antebellum to Belle and Sebastian, Neil Diamond to Diamond Rio, Frank Sinatra to Moonlight Sonata, and just about everything in between (minus most rap and most techno or R&B stuff.)  The only true criteria I have is that the music fits my mood and be sing-along-able.  If the music or message is too crass or unintelligible for me to join in at the top of my lungs then it probably won't make the cut.  Anything else is pretty much fair game.

And I'm always on the lookout for something new and interesting to add to my collection.  This is the latest discovery, take a listen!

Ms. Gledhill has been around for a little while but started out in the Christian music scene before branching out to reach a more widespread audience.  This is the title song from her latest album.  I just love her fun sound.  Everything of hers I've listened to so far is upbeat and full of a slightly shabby chic-ish sort of charm that makes you want to smile and sing-along. (Or ride a carousel.  Don't you just love the vintage carousel in the video?) It's the perfect thing to listen to if you need a quick pick-me-up.  How can you feel low after listening to that?

Reader, who is your favorite artist?  What are your favorite kinds of music? What part does music play in your life? Are there any other artists you suggest I explore and discover?  On this cold and blustery winter Wednesday, do me a favor. Find your favorite piece, take a few minutes to just listen to it play.  Close your eyes, sing along if it's appropriate and just BE the music.  You have my permission!