taking the next step.

I'm sitting in a Kentucky hotel room trying to come to terms with my new reality. I've been prepping to take this step for the last couple of months and now that I'm on my way I'm not quite sure what to do. I've been so busy and over scheduled (which was on purpose) that I haven't had more than a few minutes of quiet and alone time since the beginning of June. Every moment has been jam packed with road trips and dinners and parties and to do list items and it's been wonderful. This past weekend I finished up with a nighttime walk around the monuments, dinner on the Potomac River, the Frank Turner concert, breakfast at Eastern Market, a soggy viewing of Singing in the Rain at Wolf Trap and at least a million and a half hugs, tears and goodbyes.

I've decided a person should be required a daily diet of no less than a dozen hugs every day. We don't hug enough in our culture and  I think we need to remedy that, stat. If I were on top of things I'd find you quotes and studies that prove that touch and hugging is good for boosting endorphins and releasing stress and lowering cholesterol and burning calories and bringing about world peace. But I'll let my non-scientific ramblings suffice. Hugs are great and we need more of them. 'Nuff said.

I was humbled by all the kind words and outpourings of love and appreciation among the people I worked with and my friends and others I've had a chance to interact with throughout my time in DC. Amazingly enough I was able to hold my emotions mostly in check as I closed the book on this chapter of my life.  I was afraid I'd lose it as I drove away but I think the view of the Shenandoahs out my car window helped calm my soul.

I was treated to mountain vistas, fields of wildflowers (and by fields I mean swaths of median on the highway), some delicious blueberry lavender ice cream at this strategic pit stop, and a fiery sunset.  I took them as heavenly signs that I am on the right path and I'm trying to convince myself that it's all still true as I find myself alone with my thoughts and trying not to burst into hysterical tears.

Change is always hard and I have several stages of grand change to go through in the next year. The hole in my heart will be filled with new people and memories. The tears will dry. New doors will open and all kinds of exciting things will happen. But for the next week I'll be on the road visiting old friends and being introduced to their current lives and adventures. I'll check back in when I make it to the parentals!

a good friend.

I have been blessed with some of the greatest friends on the planet. I know most people think they can argue the same but I doubt that anyone has better friends than I do. As my time here begins to wind down (18 days and counting) I am struggling to find enough time to spend with the people I have met here who have become my support system, my source of entertainment, my surrogate family. In some ways the move still doesn't feel very real. Every moment of every day is so crammed with last minute to-dos (both the fun kind and the necessary kind) that I haven't had a lot of down time to process the emotions that are swirling in my heart. I still have nearly 3 weeks left, after all.  Plenty of time to see everyone and fill my mind with memories to hold me through those months I'll spend in my parent's basement (it's only temporary!) and then the months I'll be all alone in a foreign country. Right?!

Well, everything sort of came to a head this weekend as I found myself saying my first real good bye. One of the best friends I've made out here is leaving town this week and won't be back until after I'm gone and, thinking I had more time left than I did, there was a mad scramble to find a few minutes in the chaos for one last heart to heart before we go our separate ways. Our late night tete a tete Sunday was more than worth the groggy day at work on Monday.

It was just the first of many but I'm already feeling the loss. So far I've kept the tears at bay (though I've found they leak out at other, non-emotionally justifiable times like when I'm reading a very not-sad book at lunch at work!) but I imagine that my drive out of town is going to be a soggy one.

A host of cheesy greeting card phrases run through my mind. Things like "god can't be everywhere that's why he gave us friends" and "friendship is a single soul living in two bodies." Things that sound ridiculous until you know them to be true (though that doesn't make them any less cheesy!) I'll never have enough time to get my fill of some of the people who have touched my life and there's no way to fill the holes that will surface in my heart when they are no longer near, but my heart and life are immeasurably improved by their influence and a little part of each of them will go with me when I go.